Terrible but not Traumatic

Well.

Good job Erica. I think I deserve a great big pat on the back. Gosh how could I have been so careless?! I guess I wasn't concentrating properly. I don't know what was on my mind when it happened. Perhaps nothing. Just a delayed reaction and slow reflexes.

So, I decided to go on my 7th hour of driving yesterday. I had driven the day before, so I figured why not make this a habit and get my hours up? All was fine up until just before the bridge before the right turning going into church.

The traffic light turned green and the car in front of us started moving. I followed suit. I couldn't see that there were cars in front of the one directly in front of me, that were stopping at the next traffic light. (Gosh I suck at explaining these tedious little details.)

So when the car in front slowed to a stop (evidently my brain was elsewhere. I didn't see her brake lights), I didn't. And crash. Okay, more like a bump and a jerk forwards. Then panic, shock and disbelief. Dad told me to drive to the left and stop so he could take over. As I did so, you could hear the scrape of metal on the road like fingernails on a blackboard. Shit.

Pulled over at 7/11. The magnitude of what just happened struck me when I saw the front of Mum's Honda Civic. It had been completely defaced. You could see the skeleton of machinery and the radiator was leaking. I crouched so I was at eye level to the damage, absorbing it all. Freak.

Cue sobbing. Out of shock and incredulity I think. And anger at my own stupidity. Who even does that?!

The lady, whom I had crashed into, was a darling. She gave me a hug and was extremely understanding about the entire affair. She is the wife of a pastor at another church and she also had a daughter on her L's, who happened to have only 5 hours too. God is good. And Dad kept his cool throughout. He wasn't even mad and didn't blame me for anything. Jon was also very sweet about it.

At church, the tears wouldn't stop so I sat on the sidelines, calming myself down. Only of course, worship music "If I ever needed you, I need you now", seeming all too relevant, hardly helped to control unruly emotions. Mind wandered to worse-case-scenarios, imagining how drunk drivers must feel after an accident where someone is severely injured or a life is lost. The guilt, the shame, the disbelief at the finality of it. You can't rewind and take it back. That's it.

Anyway, a lesson learned, an experience experienced that will hopefully prevent a more serious accident in the future.

Sorry,
Me.