All Over The Place

Lately,

In the past week, I've been from euphoric, to melancholic, to just stoned and emotionless. What the heck man. I mean, not much has been really happening. Not really anything major. But my emotions are just all over the place. I'm super optimistic one day, and completely negative another. I don't even get how I'm feeling half the time.

It's annoying the sanity out of me.

I think I need to constantly be in someone's company, around people, or at least doing something. Otherwise, I'm stuck alone with my brain. The brain that has a talent for thinking too much. Gah. It's probably the reason why I'm trying to keep myself busy.

Btw, when you ask a friend 'How are you?' and the reply is 'I'm terrible.' How in the world are you supposed to respond?! My answer was 'Do you wanna talk about it?' No response after that.

I feel like I've somehow disappointed myself and the friend. I can see where he's coming from. I mean, I don't know him well at all. I wouldn't go spilling all my personal problems to someone I didn't know well. He probably finds me annoying asking questions. But still. What am I supposed to do?! Nothing?! I can't just do nothing. But I guess I will be doing just that. Nothing.

Clueless,
Erica

Lost

far freaking out.

I am at a complete loss of what to do.

Human Relations

I went to Epic today.

-shock- Not really. Anyways, there's been a lot about 'sex' lately. We had human relations day last Tuesday. We (none of my usual circle of friends) went to Scotch. The day was pretty much games and discussions about relationships and sex.. We were paired up with random guys and did roleplays with a teenager asking their parent for permission to go to a party. The most interesting part was when we wrote down questions for the guys to answer, and vice versa.

I realized that us girls like to think that we only look at personality and are more emotionally motivated, rather than physically. But I think if we were really honest, we would admit that looks do matter. We are very shallow, as much as we'd like to think otherwise. Notice how I saw 'we'. I include myself in it. I really do hate how shallow I am. Looks aren't everything.

So at Epic today, Josiah talked about pornography. Did you know there's such a thing as social pornography? Watching, comparing, gossiping, obsessing over things like facebook status' can be called social pornography. People get the same high out of it, and it's addictive. It also reates a false sense of reality. That's me, I guess. Recently, I've been wasting so much time comparing myself to all these 'facebook' lives. I don't even know why I do it. All it leaves is this ridiculous sense of discontentment.

I need to stop.
Erica

Memories that would-have-been

Right,
So I randomly ran into some photos of my friend Shu Yuin. Of Primary 6. Photos, friends, memories I would have had if I had stayed in Malaysia. When I think about it, I would have been such a different person. At least I think I would have been. It's like a whole different dimension. It's somehow hard to wrap my head around the fact that both Primary 6 and my Year 7 were co-existing at the same time.

Malaysian life and Australian life seem like two separate lives. They're so different in so many aspects that it's just strange to associate them both. From what I remember, my thought patterns now are completely different to those back when I was 11.

An odd feeling of detachment.
Life. is. odd.

Imagining memories that would-have-been,
Erica

Facing Facebook

Facebook.

It's awfully interesting. Not the website itself. More like the responses from people who use it.

What is it? Okay, so it's just a social site. But it can bring out so many emotions. This site can make you feel happy, loved, popular and on the downside, it can completely ruin your self-esteem.

Firstly, the 'happiness', the temporary 'high' I'm assuming people get from notifications? Like I said, it's temporary. And just kind of a little superficial. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. Of course you feel happy when someone comments or likes something, it gives the impression that someone 'cares'. I myself like getting notifications.

All it takes is a click of a button, a few taps on the keyboard and BAM. Instant reaction. Positive or negative depends on the content. It makes things so easy to say. Both a blessing and a curse in my opinion. People don't think much before they speak, people think even less when they say something online. You aren't as conscious about what you say online because it's not face-to-face, the consequences are less visible. It's easier.

Also, if you happen to be one of those (I am) people who tend to compare, then. Well. You're not placed in a very good spot. On Facebook, everyone's life seems so picture perfect. The photos show smiles, popularity posts etc. It really is only on the surface. You only see what they want you to see. You can never truly know what goes on behind the computer screen..

Don't mind me. I'm just ranting again.
I should be called the Ranter from how much I rant.
Erica