Wise quotes

Today,
Was the last school day of my Year 10 education in 2011. The Year 12 quotes were quite wise. Here are some that stood out and I thought were relevant. To me anyways.

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that."

"In order to be irreplaceable, one must be different"

"If you reach for the stars all you get are the stars, but if you reach for the heavens you get the stars thrown in"

"We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love"

"Aspire to inspire before you expire"

"Be yourself, everyone else is taken"

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think" -Tess

Reflecting?

Erica

Heck of a horseriding camp

SROIWSOIFJGSPHGISRSOPSOIFJSPOGJPOSJGPOJGSPOG. (spog turned up twice o.o)

Horseriding camp. Was. Epic (credits to Isabel for the word). I'm definitely horse person and if I ever get a billionaire husband, he's buying me a horse. :)

Day 1
Chilled bus ride with Meher listening to music. She likes my music taste! loool. I met Macca, who didn't quite like me at first. He wouldn't let me pet him and just would not stop eating during the ride. It was alright. Just walking around in a large expanse of trees, leaves crunching under horse hooves, breathing in fresh air. OH but there was this puddle, and Macca jumped it. SO scary, but awesome. I was this close to falling off. OH Molly, Evon, Meher, Eileen and I cooked dinner. Chicken burritos. Then we watched Charlie St Cloud.

Day 2
Macca was soo much nicer, although I think he ate even more.. Miss him already. Anywho, more riding and TROTTING. :D The instructor dude Bradley said I was a natural. Nawwww. hehe. Pizza and apple crumble for dinner. :) And then a voice-damaging, screamo, jump-up-'n-down worthy game of Taboo. Funn. I had amazing people in my camp group. Srsly.

Day 3
Twas a picnic ride. 2 hours to the picnic spot and then 2 hours back. Bucket luunch!! Aditi's group cooked pasta. Like SO much pasta that we had to have it for the next 2 lunches. xP Ah well. And OMGSH CHOCOLATE FONDUE. Went slightly high. Oh and then all 15 of us crammed into a room and sang random songs while Myura and I looked at Meher's photo collection of hot guys. Mostly Chuck Bass and Zac Efron. LOL

Day 4
More trotting in the morning, but we were more talkative on the ride. Played Chinese horse whispers? 'Is she a male?' and 'It's Bass not bass'. :) I like trotting. Oooh then we took a trip to the local village. Visited a bug-infested garden; took lots of photos and attempted to take a short cut only to get lost. And poor Raaisa fell down and got hurt! thanks goodness there wasn't a concussion. D: Ate ice-cream, talked, ate chicken, more photos. Jing's group cooked meatballs and dhall and rice. And Molly and I helped make the most epicly disgusting dessert. Layers of jelly, chocolate, melted marshmellow, fruit, chopped up brownie. Just complete mush. HAH. And then hilarious prank calls and talking till late.

Day 5
Ms Jones made us thick, heavy, chewy pancakes for brekky. Not fantastic, but I'm not complaining. :) There was bacon and scrambled eggs too, the yummy part. OMG WE GOT TO CANTER. It was actually a most exhilarating experience. I can feel the movement when Macca starts of canter and it's really fast. The wind is wooshing in your face, your heart pumping and your hands gripping the saddle for dear life. I have to go again someday. Fed Macca a carrot and an apple and we said our goodbyes. I'll never forget him. ><

Incredibly memorable and I learnt a lot from it. Talked to many of the girls and got to know them wayy better.

On a roll,
Erica

People are just cool that way.

So,
Exaams are over. :) As cliched as it might sound, it does feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders. No more obligation to study, make notes, repetitively read through set chunks of information to commit them temporarily into my short-term memory so I can pull them out of my brain for the sole purpose of answering a singular question on a particular exam. Now wasn't that a nice long English-y sentence? I'm quite proud of it. LOL.

Anyway, before I start rambling about a random sentence... O.o I will get to the point. Well, we got 2 papers back. Science and English. Science was good. I was quite happy with my grade, but I didn't really want to tell anyone. Because as much as I know that my friends are amazing; and would be happy for me; and would not be at all jealous because they are just cool that way, it just wouldn't feel right.

If I did better, I don't really want to boast.. If I did worse, well, not super eager to share either.. So the only time I feel utterly at ease, is when I get around the same. Which is why I think it's better for whatever I get to just be unknown. :) It's irrelevant. Doesn't matter.

Still not the point.. The point is, that my mark got out anyway. And well. My friends and classmates were just ever so nice. And hugged and congratulated me. And I just got this overwhelming sense of contentment. And gratefulness that I was so lucky as to have people like that around me.

OKAAY. Mush-ness overload. >< I shall stop. But I just wanted to post a happy post. Rather than continuously post depressing posts. I have wayy too much to be constantly complaining and comparing.

Caaamp tomorrow. Horseriding. :)

Kind of excited,
Erica

Chillaxing

So,

Yesterday was the Year 10 study for exams which is tmrw tmrw (mini freak out). And Rachael, Tiff and I went to the ceramics room to chillax/destress/kind of study after studying for the morning. Twas fun. :) And soothing. Seriously, I don't know what I would do without ceramics classes sometimes. It's just so.. Chill. I can't think of any other word to describe it.

Oh and I got to listen to music while tramming home. :) And on the walk home, this white butterfly followed me for almost 100m. Honest. I think it was a sign. >< Idk. But it felt nice. OH and I found these adorable mini apples. They aren't actual apples, they're the seeds of another random plant. I think. BUT they look like mini apples and are about the size of peas.

Life's being livable. I guess.

Savouring the good things,
Erica

Tired

I'm tired.

I don't know if I can do it anymore. Physically, mentally, emotionally just. Tired. Everything seems to take up more effort than it usually does. Smiling, pretending everything's okay, being cheerful.

Then again, the alternative seems to be harder. Explanations, maybe tears, and the probable lack of understanding. No one would understand.

So I go out there, act, feel better for a bit, then return feeling empty yet again. Drained.

Some things that seemed to important become insignificant now. Me placing importance on those things seems childish now. Oh idk. It's all about perspective.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIkk2icOpHQ
'Breathe by He is We' a song I came across the other day.

In need of a life purpose.
Oh wait no. I have one. To study for exams. Ugh.
Me.

Horrible Mush of Emotions

Hm,

Ironic. Because I was expecting it. Expecting her to back out in spite of her being the original reason for the event. I guess I kind of knew it was just mostly talk. It was probably because she just couldn't be bothered, and just used 'maths' an excuse.

There's this horrible mush of emotions. Frustration, disappointment, rejection, annoyance, hurt, ugh-ness. A heavy, uncomfortable 'something' in the pit of my stomach. Sigh.

Oh, don't forget anger somewhere in the midst of it all. As much as I want to deny it, I know it's there. Idk if the anger justifiable, because she did want to do it. And I wanted to make it happen, or else it would just be a bunch of empty words strung into a meaningless sentence. Getting hyped up about nothing really.

I hate it, but I know how it feels to not want the bother of meeting up with people, the effort needed. I did the same on Thursday, skipped a dinner I had said I was going to go to.

But still. My petty, immature mind tells me that this situation is different. What she's doing is worse. Hurtful. Sure, she wasn't intentionally mean. But considering another's feeling would be nice.

Gah. I just wanted to get that out so I can wholeheartedly enjoy my time with the nice people who are actually coming.

Btw, Isabel, if you do happen to read this (you would be the only one who would), you cannot, cannot tell anyone, okay? It is not my intention to offend, or make anyone feel bad, but I have a feeling that it would offend. But I do need a place to vent. Or else it would come out the wrong way at the wrong time. Or maybe I'm just overly sensitive. Or lacking sleep. Or hormonal. Or moody.

Dreadfully disappointed.
Me.

I strongly dislike being the planner of events.

An odd bunch

So,
Geography excursion to Phillip Island yesterday. :) Super quick summary of the day.

I was in the Green group, all my friends were in Red, but that's okay. I had Rachael and Hosanna. :) Erh. Bus rides were a heck of a lot of fun. Filled with pods (Hosanna), chips (Viv), pringles (Jessie), Ritz (Laura F), JELLYBEANS (Isabel), Oreos (Rachael) and moreee. I contributed seaweed. Anyway, Cowes was destination no. 1. It was extremely windy and kind of humid. Fish & Chips for lunch. Disgusting Red-bull and Blood Orange gelati from Tiff. O.o Alysha is scared of seagulls. :P

Destination no.2 was the Penguin Parade! I got to see little penguin chicks in their artificial burrow boxes. Adorable, but slightly stinky..

Bus ride home was.. Idk. Haha. Isabel and I took random photos of random facial expressions, Jess and Vic changed song lyrics and sang them to Viv in order to get chips... Oh, we are an odd bunch. But it was fun. :)

Content,
Erica

Strange?

I don't cry much. When I do, a part of me enjoys it. The sensation of tears streaming down cheeks, the outpouring of feelings, wordless and strangely peaceful. Odd? I think so.

Maybe it's because it makes me feel human, like I have a soul, instead of being some heartless creature acting, pretending, living amidst other humans.

Taming Time

Wow.

I can't mentally believe it's the start of 2011, Year 10, 15-year-old, Term 4 tomorrow. D: Time is just whooshing past so fast that I'm not even registering it's movement. Sigh. I'm so scared one day I'll just wake up one day, and whole chunk of my life will have passed, and I won't even remember it..

Anyways.. This 3 week holidays, I have managed to watch 3 movies: Monte Carlo, Abduction and Johnny English Reborn. The last was the one I thought was worth watching.. But then, I guess it was worth it because of the time I got to spend with people... lol. idk. I've bought and eaten lots of food, taken lots of lovely walks, played badminton with church friends, attempted to make a movie (fail) and had 2 sleepovers (I'm including ROAR Ironman Camp).

I've gotten closer to people. I think. And I'm learning to let go and let things happen. My motto is 'be nice, and things will happen'. LOL. I made that up on the spot.

Oh yeah, another notable event. I got a letter. From this guy from church. That said he liked me. o.o He's really sweet to everybody and stuff. But I don't like him in that way. (I'm not mentioning looks because they don't matter. At least that's what I'm telling myself. D:)SO awkward now. Idk what to do, so I'm just gonna act normal. I've been doing that and it seems to be working.

Not as uptight,
Me.

Core Values & Beliefs-ish

Right.

I've lately been reflecting (ikr. i'm so deep. lol.) about my core values and beliefs. I mean, that really is a massive part of what makes you, you, right? So I figured I should clearly outline them, so as to not sway too much from what is right. Because it's so easy. One wrong decision leads to another to another and then you get so used to doing the wrong thing that it's normal. And you then do it naturally.

Seriously. Sometimes I think I'm a horrible, moody, shallow, judgemental, conceited person who cares about no one but herself. Honestly, if I weren't a Christian, and I didn't have God to keep my conscience firm, I'd be even worse..

Anywho, the list can be altered and improved of course. Btw, it's gonna be extremely corny, but I will try to put it into practice.

1. Put others before myself. (I think I need to do that more..)
2. Not care about what others think. (Now that needs a whole lot of work)
3. Tell the truth.
4. Not speculate. Take on life as it comes at me. :) If it's meant to happen, it'll happen.
5. Savour every moment. Because every moment is unique and will never come again. Even negative moments. Heck, savouring them might even make them postive moments. :D

Yeah. I'm just gonna a stop there for now.. o.o
Me

All Over The Place

Lately,

In the past week, I've been from euphoric, to melancholic, to just stoned and emotionless. What the heck man. I mean, not much has been really happening. Not really anything major. But my emotions are just all over the place. I'm super optimistic one day, and completely negative another. I don't even get how I'm feeling half the time.

It's annoying the sanity out of me.

I think I need to constantly be in someone's company, around people, or at least doing something. Otherwise, I'm stuck alone with my brain. The brain that has a talent for thinking too much. Gah. It's probably the reason why I'm trying to keep myself busy.

Btw, when you ask a friend 'How are you?' and the reply is 'I'm terrible.' How in the world are you supposed to respond?! My answer was 'Do you wanna talk about it?' No response after that.

I feel like I've somehow disappointed myself and the friend. I can see where he's coming from. I mean, I don't know him well at all. I wouldn't go spilling all my personal problems to someone I didn't know well. He probably finds me annoying asking questions. But still. What am I supposed to do?! Nothing?! I can't just do nothing. But I guess I will be doing just that. Nothing.

Clueless,
Erica

Lost

far freaking out.

I am at a complete loss of what to do.

Human Relations

I went to Epic today.

-shock- Not really. Anyways, there's been a lot about 'sex' lately. We had human relations day last Tuesday. We (none of my usual circle of friends) went to Scotch. The day was pretty much games and discussions about relationships and sex.. We were paired up with random guys and did roleplays with a teenager asking their parent for permission to go to a party. The most interesting part was when we wrote down questions for the guys to answer, and vice versa.

I realized that us girls like to think that we only look at personality and are more emotionally motivated, rather than physically. But I think if we were really honest, we would admit that looks do matter. We are very shallow, as much as we'd like to think otherwise. Notice how I saw 'we'. I include myself in it. I really do hate how shallow I am. Looks aren't everything.

So at Epic today, Josiah talked about pornography. Did you know there's such a thing as social pornography? Watching, comparing, gossiping, obsessing over things like facebook status' can be called social pornography. People get the same high out of it, and it's addictive. It also reates a false sense of reality. That's me, I guess. Recently, I've been wasting so much time comparing myself to all these 'facebook' lives. I don't even know why I do it. All it leaves is this ridiculous sense of discontentment.

I need to stop.
Erica

Memories that would-have-been

Right,
So I randomly ran into some photos of my friend Shu Yuin. Of Primary 6. Photos, friends, memories I would have had if I had stayed in Malaysia. When I think about it, I would have been such a different person. At least I think I would have been. It's like a whole different dimension. It's somehow hard to wrap my head around the fact that both Primary 6 and my Year 7 were co-existing at the same time.

Malaysian life and Australian life seem like two separate lives. They're so different in so many aspects that it's just strange to associate them both. From what I remember, my thought patterns now are completely different to those back when I was 11.

An odd feeling of detachment.
Life. is. odd.

Imagining memories that would-have-been,
Erica

Facing Facebook

Facebook.

It's awfully interesting. Not the website itself. More like the responses from people who use it.

What is it? Okay, so it's just a social site. But it can bring out so many emotions. This site can make you feel happy, loved, popular and on the downside, it can completely ruin your self-esteem.

Firstly, the 'happiness', the temporary 'high' I'm assuming people get from notifications? Like I said, it's temporary. And just kind of a little superficial. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. Of course you feel happy when someone comments or likes something, it gives the impression that someone 'cares'. I myself like getting notifications.

All it takes is a click of a button, a few taps on the keyboard and BAM. Instant reaction. Positive or negative depends on the content. It makes things so easy to say. Both a blessing and a curse in my opinion. People don't think much before they speak, people think even less when they say something online. You aren't as conscious about what you say online because it's not face-to-face, the consequences are less visible. It's easier.

Also, if you happen to be one of those (I am) people who tend to compare, then. Well. You're not placed in a very good spot. On Facebook, everyone's life seems so picture perfect. The photos show smiles, popularity posts etc. It really is only on the surface. You only see what they want you to see. You can never truly know what goes on behind the computer screen..

Don't mind me. I'm just ranting again.
I should be called the Ranter from how much I rant.
Erica

Children

Kids are so easy to get along with..

Sigh. I wish I was as comfortable around some people my age as I am with kids. Idk. They're just so... straightforward? No lies, no underlying anything, and they just accept you as you are. No need to pretend to be anything.

They are so easy to please. Just show an interest in their lives, smile and you've got nice little friend.

Today, at ROAR, a Grade 5 girl, Beatrix, gave me $10 today to sponsor me for the 40 hour famine. She remembered from last week when I wasn't talking. How sweet is that? Not to mention thoughtful.

How is it that I manage to win the hearts of children so effortlessly, but it takes so much more for other people? Guess I'm not the type of person that crosses minds very often, except young minds maybe.

Innocence is priceless. Really. I miss not knowing and not 'contemplating' so much.

Wow. I just realized. I sound really old. D: I mean, technically, I am still a kid too. Okay, teenager, but still.

Thinking of things,
Erica

5 against 1

My weekend,

Alright. A little late to blog about the weekend (3 days ago) but I'm gonna do it anyways. Right. So. Still at a loss of what to do for the friend. Hm. We'll see what happens this weekend. I hope he's coping okay. o.o Not that I ever talk to him. But still.

You know what's slightly annoying? I used to be able to wallow in self-pity and think my life was full of problems and complicated issues, justifying it by saying I didn't know anyone else who had to go through what I was going through. I thought I was oh-so deep and contemplative. Kind of. But now, whenever I feel like no one's life could be worse than mine, I think of everything he could be facing. Alright. I actually don't know the details, or the current situation. I'm only going by what he told me a gazillion light years ago. And what I observed last Saturday. In conclusion, I can no longer feel sorry for myself. My problems are minute and childish in comparison. Like I said, slightly annoying.

Right. Melbourne Uni Open Day was on Sunday. Here's the thing. All my friends didn't want to/couldn't/couldn't be bothered (glares) to go. Kendrick and Martyn didn't know how to get there, so I was supposed to show them. Then it somehow ended up with them two, and Dong (Daniel), Daniel Chew and Chris. D: All guys. D: OTOKEE?! (korean for 'what to do?!') I was dreading being the awkard 5th wheel while they all talked about COD and other guy things. D: And it was like that for the first half an hour, aided by the fact that I couldn't speak.

Tensions (imaginary or not) eased soon enough. And kinda had fun. :) The train ride consisted of me half listening to music, half talking about whatever, half getting squished amidst other train riders. We split up into threes when we got to the uni, with Dong, Daniel and I going to Psych, Chem, Law and Engineering faculties and Martyn, Kendrick and Christ going to Actuarial Science, Physio and Commerce? Free lollies! And pen. I don't think I actually learnt much. More like squeezing through crowds of people and grabbing random information booklets. Still haven't looked at them. Or the Monash ones for ages ago... There was a random incident with the drinking taps in which I didn't know how to turn it on. And some random had to help me. I so would have figured it out in the next second. Dong and Daniel teased me for the rest of the day.

Then it was lunch at McDonald's. We were in the city and we decided to eat McDonald's. Sigh.. Ah well. On the train ride back, the guys tried being 'macho' and took turns running out of the train when it stopped to sprint to the rubbish bin and chuck whatever rubbish we had. It was quite entertaining.

Altogether a pleasant day. :)

Slightly less awkward around boys, LOL
Erica

Communication?

40 hour famine.

Again. Speechless, word-free, dramatic communication decrease. But it's feels slightly different this time. For one, I realized how much power words hold. When you think about it, one word could really be life or death. They convey love, cause suicide, bring laughter, shed tears.

Another thing I noticed, quite a number of people asked me if I was 'okay'. Maybe I subconciously wasn't fine due to.. reasons, and it was showing on my facial expressions. Unlikely but possible. Idk. Maybe my neutral face just looks sad? Or quiteness makes people automatically jump to the conclusion that something is wrong. It's kind of frustrating. My heart goes out to those who are actually permanently in this situation, with a thinking mind but without the ability to communicate.

Honestly, sometimes, I felt like people thought I was mentally disabled because I wasn't talking. D:

And just a question, but if you had a personal, family issue, would you want to be asked about it? Probably not. You'd rather keep to yourself, yes? Because. Um. Yeah, a friend is going through a tough patch. I don't know the details, but...

At a loss of what to do.

Speechless till tomorrow,
Erica

PIP

PIP!

Participation in Politics. So everyone in Year 10 was split into groups: Liberal, Labour, Greens, Rainbow, Media and Pollsters. I, thankfully, was put into the Rainbow Partyy! So this program was to introduce us to politics. And encourage us to vote.

I was a member of the rainbow party, people who helped fix the basis of our party's policies and be able to articulate them to the public. It was actually really fun. Politics is pretty much trying to be liked by the people and tackling society's issues. Like asylum seekers or the carbon tax.

So all the parties were campaigning, sticking posters around the school, talking to the media etc. There was also a Q & A time which was everyone shooting a mixture of insults, cheers and questions at the party in the middle.

The Greens went around giving free hugs, lead by Nupoor, I knew they would win the election. Aaand they did.. Rainbow went around giving compliments though. So yeah. Rainbow ftw. :D

Politics is interesting. But you have to be really articulate and firm about your points of view, but still be open to other ideas. Hm.

Do politicians get paid much? :P
Timtan

Blocking it out

It's so frustrating to see someone you care about so infuriatingly blinded by their own completely distorted perception that they can't see the truth even when it's staring them in the face.

She's supposed to be better now. The screaming is supposed to stop.

Can't you see that you have a problem? Idk. I can't for the world understand it. She can't see it, doesn't want to see it?

Please. please. please. I know she doesn't think she has a problem. But then why is all this still happening? HUH? Freaking think about it.

If you don't have an issue with food, or putting on weight or whatever and you so want to get your life back, then just do it. If it matters so little to you, then do it and everything will fall into place. Studies, life, everything.

And stop feeling like I have everything better, because I don't. You just have to pull yourself together, stop thinking you don't have anything going for you because you have everything going for you. Always have. You're just letting this stupid freaking mental state stand in your way. Stop lying to yourself. I'm begging you.

I don't want you to just move out. Gosh, I don't even want to think about what could happen if you left in this this. whatever condition.

Worried?
Me.

Magical Mikado Musical

So,
The Mikado just ended on Saturday night/Sunday morning. It really was an amazing experience and I had the most fun. Like all things, some days were great (I got to talk to guys!! hahaha. :P) others, I was just like meh.
The musical was SO funny. My favourite scene was one of the guy's numbers called 'I've got a little list', about all the people the world could do without. I got to meet a whole bunch of amazing people and work with them during endless rehearsal hours. Performance nights were the best. My hair was actually not thaaat horrible to deal with even after all the hairspray and crazy hairstyling.
Ms Garett, the choreographer, was the type of teacher you are immediately fond of. She was caring and bubbly and funny, while being able to keep everyone under control. Kind of.
The guys were all quite friendly. I got to know Michael who brought cookies :D, Year 12 Gareth from Singapore who owes me chocolate, Claire who thinks I'm 'cute', Amanda who's really nice, Audrey who nearly tripped on stage (me following her behind), Shaun, the two 'mimes' Nathan and Jeremy, hug-giving Sakthi, George, James and heaps of others. Sure, I mightn't ever talk to some of them again, but the memories of the time spent together will still be there. Till I get old and maybe get Alzheimer's... But meanwhile.. :P
I also got a glimpse of what those partying teenagers in movies do at the afterparty. Hm. My take on it? I don't think it's my kind of thing. You drink, get drunk. I guess I might have enjoyed it if I had mingled more. But the pretty, tall, blonde girls holding bottles of alcohol, talking to the guys were a tad too intimidating for me. Such a cliche, isn't it?
But, I still had good time. :) The trampoline at Rob's house was awesome. His snake is just. scary. The food was pretty alright. Piizza and garlic bread and dips and things. :P We left at about 2am?
I stayed over at Crystal's. Her house had a nice, warm feel to it and her parents were awfully nice to me. Then, it was Monash Open Day. The same Sunday. I didn't get much out of it.. Partly because I was running on spare bits of leftover energy after like. 5 late nights of mikadomikadomikado. Free notebook though. xP
Sleep deprived, (i really should be sleeping like. NOW)
Erica

Scattered Thinkings

Right,
I haven't blogged in a long while. So here I am. I'm just going to jot down whatever pops into my head, kay? I apologize if it's random. or weird.

Good things don't last forever. But neither do the bad.

I'm quite sure I failed my maths test. One of the chain of events that caused a horrible day. Had a mini breakdown that night. Got over it.

Sometimes, I laugh at how concerned I can be about extremely trivial things when there's so much more to life.

IB or VCE?!

Who am I kidding? I'm not that person, so why do I even try?

I can be quite heartless at times. It's not a great quality.

Been downloading and listening to heaps of music lately. :)

Slowly coming to terms with the fact that maybe I'm not as likable as I would want to be. Whether it be due to lack of looks, humor, interestingness or fun-ness. Ah well. Can't have it all, can I?

If they really were my friends, they should accept all of me, mistakes, flaws and imperfections, right? I shouldn't have to be trying this hard. My problem? Perhaps.

Well. I think that's enough of me for now.

Thoughts whirling,
Erica.

Second Week of Work Experience

Okay,
So my second week of work experience at Convent Bakery. I'm actually reeeeally glad I did it. It was an amazing experience. I got to work in the front (waitressing), back (bakery) and the front kitchen. The people there were extremely friendly. For example, many of them who were working in other areas smiled and bothered asking for my name even though they really didn't have to.

In the front, I met Lilly, Laura, Lina, Jas, Giovanni, Guilliano, Goody (his nickname), Ella and Matthew. And they sometimes spoke in Italian. It was preetty darn cool. I was the 'runner' and went around clearing tables and serving the dishes and coffee. I kinda want a part time job as a waitress now. :P

The bakery, surprisingly, wasn't as fun as the front. I met Jo, Jack and Janet. They were nice too, although I think Janet found it a bit of a bother to find things for me to do.. Oh, btw, Jack is a 15 year old 'apprentice'. He got into some trouble quit school. o.o You would think he would be kind of messed up, but he was actually extremely nice to me and helped me heaps. :) Nice people are nice. I got to cut and pack a gazillion cookies and pipe jam into cookies! But the second day was pretty much sweeping and mopping and UGH. Washing dishes. -.-

I met Dom too. He was a great person and offered me food, as well as a job at the bakery on the weekends. :D BUT I can't. :( Because my weekends are packed.

The front kitchen was good too! I peeled potatoes.. BUT I got to chop up, grate (the grating machine was super cool!) and mix 5 different cheeses for the cheesy toastie. I met Fabio, Mihir and Suk. They actually took the time to talk to me and find interesting things for me to do.

OH and I got free bread everyday. Their bread is amazing. And I also got to choose any pie or those bread rolls with gourmet fillings. The roast beef baguette was super tasty. :) OH and hot chocolate too. :P

Stefano would say 'Ciao, bella' to me. Which translates into 'Hello, beautiful' or 'Bye, beautiful'. But I'm assuming bella also means girl. Because as sweet as it would be, it'd be a little. Strange. haha.

I'm actually gonna miss it..

I actually quite enjoyed public tranport-ing.

Thinking I have fully experienced work,
Erica

A Week at the Hospital

Hi,
I just finished my first week of work experience at The Royal Melbourne Hospital. It was really good actually.

Day 1
Urology, the kidneys, bladder etc, was. Ugh. Kinda gross. Let's not go there. But they took out kidney stones and stuff. Oh and plastics in the afternoon. That was alright. They pretty much cut out bits of skin and replaced it.. xP I learnt how to open up sterile packages without un-sterilizing them by touching them with my unsterile hands. :)

Day 2
Although I was in the ER, there wasn't any emergency cases. Is it bad that I kinda wished there were? :P Anyway, I saw 3 gall bladder removals. Three.. They don't actually cut you up, but it's called 'key-hole' surgery. So not thaaat gory. And another procedure was clearing the artery in a man's neck because it was being clogged with.. stuff?

Day 3
I was in the Cardiac theatre. I got to see a live heart beating in a man's chest less than a metre away. It was preeetty darn cool. It was a coronary artery bypass and they had to temporarily stop the heart so they could work on it without having blood flooding everything. D: They also used this saw-like thing to cut through the breastbone. It. Was. Pretty. Awesome.

Day 4
I treated myself with a cinnamon pretzel in the morning. :) Brain tumor! Well, it was wrapped around the optic nerve, but still. It got just a teensy bit boring as it was about a 4 hour surgery..

Day 5
I got to follow the nurses around in the day surgery ward, where they take care of post-op patients. It was fuun. And although it was just helping to clean and make beds, I was SO grateful for just being able to help with something. Because I hadn't been able to do anything for the past 4 days.. The people were extremely friendly.

Idk if I'm gonna become a surgeon... Although I didn't find the blood disgusting, and it was quite interesting, I can't really see myself doing it every single day.

Still unclear,
Not-surgeon-to-be.

An arm in the desert

So,

I had this really crazy, extremely random dream about.. a week ago? It was really vivid and I could actually recall a fair bit. I was going to write it down, but I haven't had the time. Until now, I guess. Although I am struggling to keep my eyes open.

I was in some sort of rocky, brown, dry, cliff-y, desert-like area. I was some sort of a leader to this group of people. Arrows were raining down on us and it was horrible. Here's the weird part, I had this arm in my possession. As in a human arm, from below the elbow to the tips of fingers. Somehow I knew that the arm was good; but I was scared of something, I don't know what, and so I buried the arm.

As soon as I did this, I knew it was wrong. Suddenly, 2 arrows streamed towards me and embedded themselves on my right abdomen and one where my heart is. I remember actually feeling the arrow puncture my flesh and it reeeaaally hurt. At that moment, I thought 'Oh gosh. I'm gonna die. I failed my people. Dear God, help me. I'm sorry.' And in a last effort to salvage the situation and redeem myself before I died, I started to dig out the arm with my hands.

Here's where it gets weirder. The arm sort of.. Came to life and scurried to where all 'my' people were and somehow. I don't quite remember how, it was all okay. And then I looked down, pulled up my shirt and realized it didn't hurt anymore. The wounds were completely gone and there was no blood.

The end.

I know. Unbelievably strange dream.
Dreamer.

Food for thought

Alright,
Exam papers returned, a french poetry competition, good friends, blowing half my credit on texts and a morning lecture that made me think. That pretty much sums up my week.

I didn't do terribly for my exams. Not that it matters because the marks you got for Year 10 exams don't count for anything. If you fail, it's not a snapshot of your life. Same the other way round, if you did fantastically, it doesn't guarantee you'll do well in life either. So why did I waste so much time and energy studying so hard to get good grades? For that momentary happiness when you feel like you've achieved something, I guess. Is it worth it? Idk.

My friends, I have realized, are amazing. They are unjudgemental and accept everyones flaws and are just so chill.

Texts. Well. They were from this guy who. D: SUCH unfamiliar territory. It was slightly weird. Okay, slightly is an understatement. Maybe it wasn't weird for him, but it was extremely weird for me. o.o I don't even know what to say. Although it was kinda fun, I guess. It made me feel like a different person, instead of the socially-awkward-with-guys-me. BUT my credit is busted so no more awkwardness. :) Twas a good experience though.

The morning lecture was mainly about poverty. Sure, I may not be the richest person on earth, but in terms of the world, I'm on the high side of 'high income'. Overloaded, stuffed, spoilt with endless unnecessary luxuries, and there I was complaining, debating over buying a freaking muffin. But what can I do?

Options:

1. study crazily hard, earn heaps, donate it
2. study crazily hard, do something like Anita Roddick? o.o
3. get the internal PLC scholarship, use saved money to sponsor however many children possible

Ugh. I. Don't. Know. Thing is, I have this horrible feeling that although I feel passionately about this right at this moment, I'm going to just forget about it. I know I will. GAH.

People are dying of starvation right at this moment.

Guilty,
Erica

Resolution to be nice

Right.

I have a resolution. I have resolved to try to not judge and to be nice to everyone. To treat everyone the same. I hate to admit it, but I do treat people differently and it's horrible. So here's me trying to be a better person. :)

Because firstly, judging by just outer appearance is stupid. I know that, but I do it anyway.
Secondly, you don't know what someone has been through so you don't have a right. And everyone deserves to be treated the same anyway.

Besides, you never know how much a single kind act by an unexpected person can do.

Sniffling,
Erica

Learning not to hope

Me thinks I get my hopes up too easily.

How I came to this conclusion you ask? Well. Long story short. O.U.D

Over-expected.
Unmet expectations.
Disappointment.

It happens a fair bit. So my solution? Stop hoping. Stop trying so hard. If it's meant to happen, it'll just happen and I'll be like YAY! Otherwise, it's no big deal. Right? Perfectly logical.

Can't see why I couldn't come to that conclusion earlier.

Don't feel like studying. D:

Procrastinating,
Me

Laws of Annoyances

Hm.

I'm not 100% sure but I'm pretty sure. I think I can tell when someone is annoyed at me. And today was another one of those. I'm not going to mention names. I'm not sure how to react, to be honest. I don't think I did anything wrong. o.o But then, I guess you just get annoyed with someone for no particular reason.

I totally understand because I've been the one that has been annoyed at someone for no good reason. It's a horrible feeling. I despise it and I try to get myself out of it. Still, I think I hide it well, but then again, do you ever really know? The annoyer* is hardly going to ask the annoyee* about it because that would cause them to feel even more annoyed? D:

Conclusion? It's not very nice being on the receving end of annoying vibes.

I apologize for whatever I did or didn't do to cause you to be annoyed. You probably won't even read this, but oh well.

* In case you got confused..
Annoyer: Person who didn't mean to, but caused another person to be annoyed.
Annoyee: Person who got annoyed at annoyer for no reasonable reason.

Dreading exams,
The unfortunate, unintentional, not-even-sure-if-she-is-one annoyer.

Craazy.

Here I am.
Again.

I'm just kind of sick of non-paragraphing and I'm hoping a new blog might work better. I'm doing this now because I need to blog it all out or I'm going to go crazy.

Then again, I think we all are. My family is just. I don't know. Sometimes I think we all have some sort of psychological mental disorder that only appears when we're around each other. I have no idea what happened. We used to get along perfectly fine. And now it's like walking on a tightrope. The slightest loss of balance and you fall into the abyss. Somewhere along the line, screaming and jumping and freaking out became the norm.

Ugh. I feel. Helpless. Lost. Confused. Like the floor just fell from beneath my feet. I think I do have a little OCD. I like control. Need control. Control-freak? Yeah. I'll admit it, I am in some ways. I wish I wasn't though. I wish I was the care-free, happy-go-lucky type who can just let go of everything and forget. Key word: let go.

Well that was kinda depressing for a first post...
I'm not always this gloomy. Although I usually blog more when I'm gloomy. Hm.

Sane, I think,
Erica