Horrible Mush of Emotions

Hm,

Ironic. Because I was expecting it. Expecting her to back out in spite of her being the original reason for the event. I guess I kind of knew it was just mostly talk. It was probably because she just couldn't be bothered, and just used 'maths' an excuse.

There's this horrible mush of emotions. Frustration, disappointment, rejection, annoyance, hurt, ugh-ness. A heavy, uncomfortable 'something' in the pit of my stomach. Sigh.

Oh, don't forget anger somewhere in the midst of it all. As much as I want to deny it, I know it's there. Idk if the anger justifiable, because she did want to do it. And I wanted to make it happen, or else it would just be a bunch of empty words strung into a meaningless sentence. Getting hyped up about nothing really.

I hate it, but I know how it feels to not want the bother of meeting up with people, the effort needed. I did the same on Thursday, skipped a dinner I had said I was going to go to.

But still. My petty, immature mind tells me that this situation is different. What she's doing is worse. Hurtful. Sure, she wasn't intentionally mean. But considering another's feeling would be nice.

Gah. I just wanted to get that out so I can wholeheartedly enjoy my time with the nice people who are actually coming.

Btw, Isabel, if you do happen to read this (you would be the only one who would), you cannot, cannot tell anyone, okay? It is not my intention to offend, or make anyone feel bad, but I have a feeling that it would offend. But I do need a place to vent. Or else it would come out the wrong way at the wrong time. Or maybe I'm just overly sensitive. Or lacking sleep. Or hormonal. Or moody.

Dreadfully disappointed.
Me.

I strongly dislike being the planner of events.