House Concerts.
Funny how everything seems all the more significant when it's the "last" one. I guess it was sort of the best one. I was much more involved than I've ever been (thought process: it's the last). Anyway, co-heading singing was crazy. Okay, being unmusically talented, Gabby handled most of the music part. But just organising everyone, getting them to come to rehearsal, singing in tune and pulling everything together in a matter of 2 weeks is insane. Especially when I decided to go for dancing too. Excuse? It's our last one. bhaha.
Anywho, an extremely busy 2 weeks whooshed past and now it's over. In spite of Rosslyn, rather predictably tbh, not winning anything, I loved every moment of it. We got to act like gangsters and yowhaddup each other on stage. What's not to love? Credits to Sumin for attempting to teach me how to sing for the entire geo excursion so I wouldn't completely embarrass myself when I sang "It's just you are my heaveeeen." haha. Honestly, there are many talented people at PLC. I can't even begin to compete. But you know what? I'm done comparing. At least while my rational mind is in control. Ask me again in a week and the silly part of me might be like. Everyone's perfect. Life sucks. Whyyyy must I be me and not -insert name-.
I've noticed though that rational me is often non-sleep deprived me. Not always, but often.
I'm gonna miss high school when it's over.
BUT according to Tess, uni sounds like a blast.
I've been living on the surface lately. Being busy keeps my thoughts occupied. Not quite happier, but. idk. Can't decide if I like this me or not. Then again, I've never completely liked "me", whatever me I'm being. because I never know for sure that the me I'm being is absolutely me. Can someone just tell me who me is?
Bad grammar. Let me rephrase.
Could someone please just tell me who I am?
Erica.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
I Don't Even.
Sigh.
There are so many things I just don't understand. I can't even begin to understand. Human beings are such complex creatures. I don't understand myself. Who I am, what I want, not even how I think sometimes. So obviously I'm not gonna get anywhere near understanding the rest of the human race.
How is it that some people can treat other people like rubbish? To be toyed with, used then thrown away at their own whim. Does it not occur to them that this fellow person feels? Feels pain, hurt and anger the same way they do.That this person might carry all of it with them for who knows how long, stifled and unable to find happiness because they were constantly weighed down by this black burden of awful. If they did, maybe they would think twice before flinging careless remarks, acting thoughtlessly.
On the other hand there are those who are just so utterly selfless. They give and give and give. Is their capacity to give endless? If so, how do they do it? Don't you run out of yourself to offer? How does one stop calculating, stop making sure one doesn't give one smidgen more than the other? Because that just isn't the way to live.
And yet, I want to stop contemplating all this, to stop trying to understand and just be. To just do whatever I feel like at the moment I feel like doing it. To take risks. To be more daring. To adventure into the unknown.
Because I feel like I ain't ever going to understand anyway.
Sigh,
Me.
There are so many things I just don't understand. I can't even begin to understand. Human beings are such complex creatures. I don't understand myself. Who I am, what I want, not even how I think sometimes. So obviously I'm not gonna get anywhere near understanding the rest of the human race.
How is it that some people can treat other people like rubbish? To be toyed with, used then thrown away at their own whim. Does it not occur to them that this fellow person feels? Feels pain, hurt and anger the same way they do.That this person might carry all of it with them for who knows how long, stifled and unable to find happiness because they were constantly weighed down by this black burden of awful. If they did, maybe they would think twice before flinging careless remarks, acting thoughtlessly.
On the other hand there are those who are just so utterly selfless. They give and give and give. Is their capacity to give endless? If so, how do they do it? Don't you run out of yourself to offer? How does one stop calculating, stop making sure one doesn't give one smidgen more than the other? Because that just isn't the way to live.
And yet, I want to stop contemplating all this, to stop trying to understand and just be. To just do whatever I feel like at the moment I feel like doing it. To take risks. To be more daring. To adventure into the unknown.
Because I feel like I ain't ever going to understand anyway.
Sigh,
Me.
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