Tenebrous: dark and gloomy

Okay.

So I'm just in this ugh mood right now. Everything seems to be irking me and there's a knot in my chest. I'm tired and irritated.

Sometimes, I really don't like who I am: this this dark being that hates; an ugly, crawling creature with selfish desires and a jealous heart.

What is wrong with me? I never seem to be content; with myself, with life in spite of the fact that I really am blessed. Dissatisfaction has somehow lodged itself inside my mind, sitting comfortably on a couch by the fire, refusing to budge.

I need to find true, stable inner joy instead of grasping at the thread-like wisps of outer happiness. A wavering happiness, reliant on the happenings around me. Sometimes I'm rocketed out to be amongst the stars in euphoria. Other times gravity kicks in and splash!, I'm yanked into the deepest ocean floor. where creatures of darkness lurk. beyond the reach of warmth and sunlight.

And oh the silence. Don't forget the chilling silence.