Giving leaves you vulnerable. Be it your time, your thoughts, or any other part of yourself; you risk being taken advantage of, being rejected or left feeling even more alone. Opening up, like really opening up, is scaaary. You put yourself out there only to realise that you could never compete with everyone else. You don't want to. Look, I know it's not a competition, but it feels like I'm losing. Anyway, the point is, don't jump and you won't get hurt if no one catches you. Don't offer and you won't look stupid if no one needs what you're offering.
Okayokay. STOP. This is bad mentality. Psh, honestly Erica. Where are your morals?
It's not about me. It's about how I can use my life to add meaning to the lives of others, yes? About authenticity. Genuine love for others. The whole point is offering and offering and offering until it turns out to be just the thing that one person needs. And bam. Life change. And that makes it all worth it, right? Right. You jump, and it's okay if no one catches you, because God will. His love is enough, right? Right. You've been blessed with sososososososo much that if you didn't give as much as you could, you'd be a selfish, ungrateful brat, right? Right.
I want to give. I do. To bless others. To share what I have. I do. It has just been an insecure, 'let'sgiveupwhoneedsfriends' few hours. BUT as Xavier said in X-men: Days of Future Past, somethingsomething those who lose their way, somethingsomething doesn't mean they've lost their path. Somethingsomething hope. I shall hunt for the actual quote.
edit: "Just because someone stumbles and loses their way, doesn't meant they're lost forever." Thanks Tess. :P
So a temporary blip. I'll work towards that dignified, selfless girl; the one who is awesome, not to be liked (i.e. for ultimately selfish reasons), but because that is how she is. Or wants to be.
Meandering,
Me.
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