How?
I feel like I could be, should be doing more with my life. I should be more involved, take more initiative, seize more opportunities.
And yet, I feel like I couldn't possibly do more. I'm doing too much. There isn't enough lying-on-the-grass-listening-to-music time. I want to stare into space and take long wandering walks without feeling guilty, like I should be doing something productive.
Again, I am being too greedy. I want everything.
I want to meet new people, get to know people from different backgrounds with different opinions, hear their stories.
And yet, I want to build on existing friendships, to strengthen the already-present bonds. To have friends that you get and that get you. There's no pressure to be funny or interesting or whatever. You can just be.
I want to do my best in everything: studies, friends, youth leading, work, family. But I only have so much time and energy. I'm struggling to keep up.
I'm constantly rushing. Sometimes, i'll notice my heart racing abnormally fast for no reason. Because I've become used to the anxiety of needing to be somewhere, doing something.
And there has been a couple of off days where I've surpassed my extroversion limit.
Conversations are an effort. They're forced, unnatural. Do people notice? I hope not.
I want to talk to people, not out of politeness or obligation, but from a genuine wanting to listen to what they're saying. I want them to feel like they are a pleasure to talk to. Because they are. But sometimes, I'm just so tired of it all. My smile feels stretched and the words that come out of my mouth, empty.
Perhaps I need to go back, to centre myself around God. Focus on him and everything else will fall into place. The question is how?
Lost in the forest of life,
Me.
I feel like I could be, should be doing more with my life. I should be more involved, take more initiative, seize more opportunities.
And yet, I feel like I couldn't possibly do more. I'm doing too much. There isn't enough lying-on-the-grass-listening-to-music time. I want to stare into space and take long wandering walks without feeling guilty, like I should be doing something productive.
Again, I am being too greedy. I want everything.
I want to meet new people, get to know people from different backgrounds with different opinions, hear their stories.
And yet, I want to build on existing friendships, to strengthen the already-present bonds. To have friends that you get and that get you. There's no pressure to be funny or interesting or whatever. You can just be.
I want to do my best in everything: studies, friends, youth leading, work, family. But I only have so much time and energy. I'm struggling to keep up.
I'm constantly rushing. Sometimes, i'll notice my heart racing abnormally fast for no reason. Because I've become used to the anxiety of needing to be somewhere, doing something.
And there has been a couple of off days where I've surpassed my extroversion limit.
Conversations are an effort. They're forced, unnatural. Do people notice? I hope not.
I want to talk to people, not out of politeness or obligation, but from a genuine wanting to listen to what they're saying. I want them to feel like they are a pleasure to talk to. Because they are. But sometimes, I'm just so tired of it all. My smile feels stretched and the words that come out of my mouth, empty.
Perhaps I need to go back, to centre myself around God. Focus on him and everything else will fall into place. The question is how?
Lost in the forest of life,
Me.
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