Well,
UMAT scores came out Friday night. Ben tapped me on the shoulder at Epic and was like "Hey, UMAT scores are out." Completely unexpected. I jumped out of my seat and ran out side where everyone else was. You could feel the air mingled with disappointment or anticipation, depending on whether or not the person had checked.
Freak. freakfreakfreak. I'm not gonna get into med. I didn't do anywhere near well enough. I seem to be going in circles. One moment I'm okay with it. Really truly okay with not doing Medicine and doing something else. Like Law or Arts or Optometry. Then literally within the minute, it'll hit me that a seriously might not get a place in any med school anywhere and I'll feel like crying. Or actually cry if I'm talking to someone about it. And they'll convince me that other options are better anyway and I'll believe it. Swinging back and forth. Going nowhere.
I think my emotions are sick of the rollercoaster. But I still can't get off.
I never was completely decided and determined to do med anyway. So why am I tying myself into these knots? Well thing is, I know myself. If I do make up my mind that med is the only option, the one thing I want to do and I set my heart on it, and I don't get a place, I'd be crushed. So I try to keep my options open, convince myself I'd be happy doing whatever. Which I would be. Wouldn't I?
Okay stop stop stop. I'll stop worrying about it. Whatever happens will happen. And I'll just have to trust God that what does happen is what is meant to and I'll end up where I'm supposed to be.
Oh ye of little faith. :/
Me
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