I'm "busy".
I'm desperately searching for meaning in everyday activities. I'm doing things and things can be converted into value.... no?
I'm a productiveness-aholic. lol
It's a diversion from my thoughts. Because thinking points a glaring torchlight at (intentionally) forgotten corners, exposing all the dirt, dust and cobwebbed flaws. Time for an early spring cleaning of denials. How naïve of me to think that by ignoring those nagging feelings and skin-pinching insecurities, I could make them go away. Come on Erica. You should know better than that. Man up and deal.
I don't want to be left behind.
I want to be loved, admired, remembered. I want to be interesting, capable, thoughtful. I want to make a difference. I want to share my blessings. I want others to experience God for themselves, in their own way.
I'm scared that if I pause, it'll be a stop. I'll crawl into bed and stare into nothingness, unable to dig up the energy to get up again. Or just not want to.
But maybe I should hit the brakes. See where that takes me. I've been going full speed ahead that a stop n look around might be good for a change.
But how?
Me.
I don't want to be left behind.
I want to be loved, admired, remembered. I want to be interesting, capable, thoughtful. I want to make a difference. I want to share my blessings. I want others to experience God for themselves, in their own way.
I'm scared that if I pause, it'll be a stop. I'll crawl into bed and stare into nothingness, unable to dig up the energy to get up again. Or just not want to.
But maybe I should hit the brakes. See where that takes me. I've been going full speed ahead that a stop n look around might be good for a change.
But how?
Me.
No comments:
Post a Comment