Busy as a Bee

Okay.

I've been too greedy this year. I piled too much on my plate out of fear that I'd be left empty and hungry when it was too late and the food was all gone. I didn't want regrets, the 'if onlys' that I had done this or that. So what did I do? I grabbed all of it.

On top of maintaining the quality old friendships (they are so very precious to me), I threw all efforts into deepening younger friendships and making new ones. Yeah, there were some creases along the way, some misunderstandings. Nothing is perfect. But they got straightened out.

Then there's leading a Year 7 lifegroup, which I so enthusiastically picked up. I love it. I really do. I get to be a kid again. Connecting with the girls is energizing. They're full of life. Everything is so very bright and exciting in their eyes and I liked how some of that rubbed off on me. It reminded me a little of what I used to be like. But sometimes, just sometimes, it's the slightest bit draining to keep a sunshine-filled smile when I don't feel like smiling at all. Having said that, they really do manage to cheer me up on certain down days.

Work is fun. A distraction from studies (it's rather brainless), I get to hang with different people whilst earning me some money. Productive time away from studies is good. But it does take up a fair bit of time. I miss having the time to take walks by myself, listening to music, chasing sunsets, taking photos of pretty things.

Holidays was busybusybusy too. There was something to do, someone to see, somewhere to go practically every single day. Yeah it was fun and I had memorable moments but I had intended it to be way more laid back. Don't know what happened. I didn't even get to spend much time with Tess.

Yes, I've been keeping up with my studies just fine. And I was happily, productively chugging along at the beginning of the year, but somewhere along the way, something changed.

I've been having more ughhh days where I talking to people is an uphill climb. And I have to put up the cheery, talkative, bubbly front that I usually am. If I don't, people seem to think something's wrong. I'm not sad. There's nothing to be sad about. I just don't feel very cheery/talkative/bubbly that day. And I get ohsostupidly insecure and sensitive. I misread people (not that I'm all that great at reading people in the first place). What is wronggg with mee?

So what now? I can't drop anything. I just have to make time to chill a little I guess. Be more efficient with my time. Spend more time with God. Cope.

I will survive. Please. I can handle Year 12. No biggie.

Drained, exhausted, tiiiiiired.
Determined.
Me